The Patient Mom

1 Corintihans 13… “Love is patient…”

In 2014 I asked a few close friends a favor. Whenever they prayed for me throughout that year, I asked them to pray 1Cor 13 over me... love is patient, kind, doesn't envy, boast, keeps no record of wrongs, etc... None of the qualities that the Apostle Paul mentions about love are unimportant, but about a month into the year, I emailed all my friends and said, you know, you can just simplify. When you pray for me, just mention patience. I think there's a reason Paul listed that one first. If I get that one right, all the others seem to get in line. In that respect, it's kind of like the 10 Commandments. If you get the first one right, all the rest just naturally flow. When you love God with all of your heart and put Him first then murdering, thieving, coveting and the rest all decrease. I'm not saying we won’t get sidetracked periodically, but I'm saying loving God and making him our priority gets our posture right; gets us going in the right and natural path. 

Patience gets my posture right. It gets me going in the right and natural path. Patience, to me, is like the smell of the pine trees on the way up a mountain trail. It encourages me to breathe in deeply of the air not polluted by selfishness or jealousy. Patience is like a wide-open space above the tree line where I don’t feel the claustrophobic pressure of envy or anger. Patience is like the giant bull elk my sister and I crossed paths with a few years ago. There, just a few feet in front of us, on the trail the elk stood. Imposing, but so unself-conscious. He didn’t ask to be looked at. He didn’t request a picture. He was not in the least bit self-seeking. 

Quick fix has been the drug of distraction I’ve imbibed in the most. It has been my biggest downfall. With its help, I’ve turned from patience at almost every opportunity. But patience, ironically, has been patient with me. I have learned (and am learning) it actually has my best interest at heart.  

On Mother’s Day, it’s good to be reminded of patience. Moms need healthy amounts of it. Patience when the child makes a mess, when the child cannot find what they are looking for, when they struggle with that relationship, when they get lost, when they take you for granted, when they grow up, when they don’t check in as much as you would like, when life doesn't go as it should, and when you're ready to step into heaven now so you can see your child that's gone ahead of you. But you hang in there. Even more, you love what you do because you know that mothering is the most beautiful job in the world. And it will be rewarded for all eternity. Patience gives you the grace to thrive at being a mother. 

Moms, Happy Mother's Day.

Dream like Quincy or Dream like Columbus

I don’t remember much about Columbus from 4th grade history. Maybe he wasn’t the monster that I now imagine him being. Maybe he was a just a man, poisoned by greed, caught up in a system that was hell bent on using anyone to get what it wanted. Maybe later in his life dreams of the way he hacked his way through the arms of the great trees in Haiti and the arms of its people haunted him. Maybe he repented at his deathbed. Maybe the blame lies with Ferdinand and Isabella who sponsored the trip. Maybe the blame is too large for one king and queen. Maybe the entire continent of Europe was responsible.  

Or... maybe all of us share in the blame. For all of us have known these dreams. All of us have dreamt of power and politics; of militaries and money markets. We label Columbus a villainous conqueror and rightly so, but we have all known of the dream to conquer. Maybe we haven’t dreamt of conquering another country by killing its people. But, we’ve definitely dreamt of conquering our former associate, friend or spouse by killing their reputation through gossip. Maybe we’ve never forcefully taken a sovereign’s throne and began dictating to them how we want them to run their country. But, all of us have acted like little sovereigns ourselves, by forcing our unwanted opinions and judgments upon someone others.  Like water finding the lowest level, these dreams seep down into the caves of our soul infecting our motives and desires. 

Thank God for new dreams; clean dreams motivated not by power but the laying down of power. Dreams not polluted by avarice, but purified by sacrifice. Thank God for the people who came to the New World with bibles and crosses, but refused to carry swords or guns. Thank God for the real missionaries inspired by the real authentic dream. Our daughter didn’t live a long life, but she was captivated by the real dream in a way that will inspire others for their entire lives. It’s obvious the source of her dream was different than the source of Columbus’s dream. Her source was something much purer and higher. As the ocean is fed by the river, kept flowing by the mountain stream, the source of which is the first snow melt on the highest mountain, so Quincy found herself swimming in an ocean of a dream, fed by a river of love, kept flowing by a stream of sacrifice the source of which is the first blood drops at Calvary’s Mountain. 

It’s the snowmelt that brings the greatest oceans. 

And it’s the blood drops that bring the greatest dreams. 

Beauty Hiding and Heaven Suffering

Revelation 21:4 - He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Heaven’s not a place where we finally get everything we ever wanted in the sense of riches or comforts or the kinds of things we supposed when we were age four. Heaven’s the place where we finally realize all we’ve ever wanted was joy, and that this joy comes at a high price. That all tears will be wiped from our eyes should not lead us to think there will be no awareness of suffering in heaven. When we see the wounds of Jesus we’ll be reminded, and indeed, for the first time be truly made aware, of how costly joy is. The holiness of the wounds will provide the backdrop for a deep, rich and limitless appreciation of joy. Paradoxically the wounds of Jesus will be the most grotesque and beautiful things we ever see. In lesser degrees this will be true for all God’s people. In lesser degrees still, this will be true for the entire heavenly dimension. What a place… all of God’s creation, completely spent, crushed like roses giving off a sweet fragrance.

How extravagant.

How costly.

For joy always arrives by way of suffering.

And beauty is almost always hidden.

And don’t miss this simple, but all-important point… those who find joy and beauty there will be ones looking for joy and beauty here. Look, if you’ve spent your whole life looking for hell, heaven will have no appeal to you. Again, if you’ve used the entirety of your life searching for hell, you won’t want heaven. You’ll want hell. I don’t think for a second that entrance into the next dimension consists of two lines: one full of happy people floating up to the sky and one full of people being drug away kicking and screaming into some fiery cave.

Hell is something you choose.

And heaven is something you choose.

Look for it now so you can recognize it later. Jesus has done all the work, but you still have to look. I'm whispering now... the Kingdom of Heaven is hidden... it's like the smell of bread rising, a treasure buried, a lost lamb, the sacrifice of forgiveness... it's like the body broken and blood shed. It's heaven suffering. 

Are Bad Circumstances a Punishment for Our Sins?

Someone asked me, after hearing about me talk about God's love recently, “I understand God love us, but these bad things going on in our society, and even to us individually, they're a punishment for our sins, right?” Ah… let's take a breath for a second. OK, I do think punishment and discipline are involved in life, but never apart from God's love. God's love changes everything. Truthfully, I don't like questions about punishment and sin, but not because I am afraid of the question, but because I’m suspicious of the vitriolic baggage that accompanies the question. Most people (Christians) that ask these kinds of questions are the kinds of people who are overly concerned with retributive justice, and their idea of God's wrath. This has led Westernized Christianity to emphasize punishment over love; original sin over original grace; and the terror of hell over the beauty of heaven. Is there room in the discussion for punishment, sin and hell? Of course, but love wins. (Foreshadowing alert: love wins!) Some people don’t buy it, though. Especially Christians. Ironically, nothing stirs up hate like a good discussion about love! But, love is integral to this question about punishment. For authentic punishment is not about retributive, vengeful justice. Authentic punishment is about sacrificial justice, that I hasten to add is quick to forgive. 

For example, my wife and I have raised three children. This will be hard for you to believe, but all of them at one time or another were disobedient. But, even in their worst moments, they have never gone unloved. It's amazing, really, If you added up all the years they lived under our roof… let’s see 18, plus 18, plus 15(and counting)… that’s 51 years… In 51 years of parenting, there was never one time when our children were at risk of losing our love. Even in the midst of discipline. My children would have been shocked to learn, that even as they were suffering the discipline brought upon by their wrongful choices, we were already anticipating the moment when the relationship would be restored. We realized in those moments, in many instances, though we were the one wronged; though we were the recipients of their disobedience, we were more eager to forgive than they were to ask for forgiveness!

If this is all true of an earthly parent, is this not true of our heavenly parent? God loves us. God longs to forgive us. I do, of course, believe our choices have consequences. I do think punishment, at times, is involved, but I’ve come to learn we are more punished by our sins than for our sins. (Please consider the implications of the last sentence.) Furthermore, while there is a way to read the Bible that would lead one to think that the God of the Bible enjoys all this punishment, quite simply, it’s the wrong way to read the Bible! I categorically reject the idea that God enjoys punishing us, or to take the whole concept deep into the crux of the issue, that God needed to punish Jesus to figure out how to love us. Jesus didn’t have to die to get God’s attention; rather Jesus died because of his commitment to love. We must understand, or at least wrestle with understanding, that love involves risk. And God risked in Jesus, not because He was angry, but because He is love. This is what love does! So, to attempt to answer the question, “Yes, but aren’t bad things a punishment for our sins?” Yes, bad things can be about punishment, but far less often than we are inclined to think, and they're usually brought on by us and not God, and finally, when they do arrive, they always do so in a context of sacrificial love. 

My Life is God's Dream

"Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids. Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me. Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God’s prayer” (Psalm 42:8 MSG)

Metaphor is the only way we begin to describe God. All metaphors fall short somewhere. Having said that, some are more beautiful than others. I love the idea of God being a dreamer, an artist, a writer, writing great storylines full of people, events, and places. And I believe this is what He does. He's written your story and my story with so many great ideas that the characters themselves have taken on a life of their own. In this way, He gives them the freedom to choose and to act, but overall there's a grand, redemptive narrative that He's weaving. A good story is like a good prayer is like a good dream. We live out His stories and get to be a part of his dream. MLK Jr had a dream. (We should be working on MLK Jr's dream, by the way.) But, nothing compares to the dreams God has for you. Your life is His dream. 

Latest Trip!

the boys surveying all the people... real live people... who've been displaced at the dominican republic border.

love this shot of regan smiling, getting ready to play with some of the haitian girls. 

maybe the coolest pic i've ever taken. (and it has everything to do with my nephew's camera.) 

the team on the beach at the end of a long, long week

i only insert this image of quincy to set up the next image...

my high school buddy, joe, worked with me on this sign. pretty special. 

Take Heart, We're One Year Closer to the Heavenly Dimension!

Our lives changed forever one year ago today. We were (and are) crushed. But, one cannot know the joy of hope without knowing the depths of sorrow. And so we hope. Jesus said, "In this dimension you will have trouble. But don't be afraid to hope. I have overcome this dimension." (My paraphrase of John 16:33) Just because we cannot see our loved ones doesn't mean they are not alive. They're just in a new dimension! 

Book Comments/Reviews

Where Was God on the Worst Day of My Life is now an Independent Publisher's National Award Winning Book.  

1) "Man, did I love and appreciate this book. There is so much weight to the story but its delivered in such a beautifully honest, artistic way. I really got the sense that every word and photo was carefully considered in how it was presented on the page. I give the author a lot of credit for asking such a universally BIG question and then providing space, simplicity and hope in his response. This is one book that will not leave me anytime soon." JTC

2) "I dare anyone to read this and not experience both sadness and great hope. The story and its message captures the sentiments of many who have experienced loss or anyone who has ever asked where God was on their worst day. This is a story I will read on a regular basis as it speaks to the heart because it comes from the heart." Amazon Customer

3) "Who among us has not asked this question during a personal loss? In this book, the author explores it with such deep honesty, clarity, poignancy and most importantly, hope. The grit of the story and its bittersweet message is balanced with such beautiful imagery in the photographs. I challenge anyone to read this book and not walk away with a sense of peace and purpose, no matter what the circumstances. If you are like me, you will want to read it again and again..." Nancy

4) "This. book. The rawness and transparency given to the emotions and occurrences described is refreshing--and really actually necessary. It helps to organize and guide your thoughts when they seem to be disarranged and completely chaotic. It gives meaning amidst mourning.

The creative images and design further help illustrate the originality and authenticity described as Quincy--and God's creations.

Anyone would benefit from reading/obtaining this book; whether you have experienced grief & loss, are experiencing it now, or have never experienced it...it will become a reality, and you will ask the question: "Where was God?" Quite possibly, you'll reflect back on this message, realizing He was--and is--there all along." PMF

5) "Simple, but freaking PACKED and thick with truth; powerful paradoxical truth!" Mario

Mailing Books!

In line at post office... again... mailed hundreds of these the past couple of days.  (Don't even have time to tie my shoe.)  My favorite part of the process is watching the faces of the people who are walking in with me.  They're mailing one or two packages.  I'm like a pack mule.  No one wants to be behind me.  I am unpopular at the post office.  (Maybe other places as well, but definitely right now at the post office.) 

If you pre-ordered a book, your copy (copies) are on the way.  It's POSSIBLE that a small number of packages were filled with an incorrect amount or product.  FORGIVE ME!  And let me know... I'll send you the right thing.  Thanks.